07My week at the bookstore
Me: I’m sorry, we are not buying this book. They just updated to a new edition.
Them:
Me:
How I feel about snow depends greatly on its location.
The sky: “Oooooh! Pretty!” — snow is the best thing ever.
The ground: Demands to be thrown at the nearest bystander. Still pretty much the best thing ever.
My window: Idyllic, romantic, and cozy. Oh snow, how can I live without you?
My eye: “SHIT! OW!” FUCK YOU SNOW YOU SUCK.
Maybe not a good idea to spend the evening looking at insanely attractive people with Marissa. If my libido was the stock market our financial crisis would be solved.
“I like the picture of him on the bike because it’s like “Hi I’m Robert Downey Junior and here’s my crotch coming at you at twenty miles per hour”.”
— Aidan on 
“There’s nothing wrong with him except he can’t dance and I want to dance and not be monopolized by someone with the motor skills of a wombat on morphine.”
— Me
- Me: I'm hungry.
- Mom: Have some yogurt.
- Me: Yogurt is not food. Yogurt is a dietary enhancement.
Same difference
- Me: I like your music. It sounds like a bunch of Icelandic pirates decided to start a band.
- Kris: Actually they're a bunch of Norwegian drunks.
