May 2011
1 post
My week at the bookstore
Me: I’m sorry, we are not buying this book. They just updated to a new edition.
Them:
Me:
December 2010
1 post
How I feel about snow depends greatly on its...
The sky: “Oooooh! Pretty!” — snow is the best thing ever.
The ground: Demands to be thrown at the nearest bystander. Still pretty much the best thing ever.
My window: Idyllic, romantic, and cozy. Oh snow, how can I live without you?
My eye: “SHIT! OW!” FUCK YOU SNOW YOU SUCK.
June 2010
27 posts
Maybe not a good idea to spend the evening looking at insanely attractive people with Marissa. If my libido was the stock market our financial crisis would be solved.
“I like the picture of him on the bike because it’s like “Hi I’m Robert Downey...”
– Aidan on
Guys we totally just had an earthquake. Not even kidding.
“There’s nothing wrong with him except he can’t dance and I want to...”
– Me
Me: I'm hungry.
Mom: Have some yogurt.
Me: Yogurt is not food. Yogurt is a dietary enhancement.
Same difference
Me: I like your music. It sounds like a bunch of Icelandic pirates decided to start a band.
Kris: Actually they're a bunch of Norwegian drunks.
“…So there was this guy begging on the street and he was all cracked out or...”
– My mom
I just googled “why doesn’t Lady Gaga wear pants”. Saturdays ftw.
Uh yeah so there’s a dude on the Bachelorette who sounds like Meatwad. Not even joking.
1 tag
In other news
My period looks like it was directed by Michael Bay.
You’re welcome.
My sister makes the best fucking cookies ever. Goddamn.
“…When trying to impress a woman, it is often helpful to call upon her...”
– Hyperbole and a Half
I am so culturally sensitive
Me: fuck i just remembered my apartment has no oven
Marissa: buy a convection oven?
Me: SO BRITISH
Marissa: what?
Me: in america we call them toaster ovens
Marissa: oh
ohhhhhh.
orz
Oh my god you can't just ask tumblr why it's black
shizzy-chan:
fyen:
heckyeahclogspeoplesdashboards:
birthbysleep:
(via wolfguts)
Omg.
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
This made my day.
“I think if Lady Gaga and Iron Man teamed up I would explode in a holocaust of...”
– Me
At least he pays attention.
Me: I'm so obsessed with Lady Gaga. I don't even know.
Bruce: It's pretty bad. If anyone asked me what you liked the only things that would come to mind right away would be Lady Gaga and Iron Man.
1 tag
“Everyone is obsessed with Lady G. She’s like the G-spot of the music...”
– Marissa
This is from long ago but still makes me laugh...
Aidan:
mm
i was about to IM you and say DUDE I"M SEEING AFI TOMORROW because i knew you'd be jealous
Aidan:
and then i remembered you were going too
May 2010
33 posts
My manhood has been severely compromised
I held a snake for the first time ever today. Usually I pride myself on not being particularly squeamish (aka girly) so I figured it would be a snap.
But when it started coiling around me HOLY SHIT I FREAKED OUT. Oh my god that crawly feeling is like nothing I’ve ever experienced. It’s what I imagine a full body kegel would be like.
Then Dan called me a pussy and I shut up. After...
“Noooo. I’m just going to stick it in my pants.”
– Aidan (via submarineshark)
Me: omg lady gaga's wearing pants
Vanny: LIES
Me: really!!
Vanny: IM NOT!
Me: lol
Me: lady gaga stole your pants
Vanny: GOD DAMNIT
Life's Instruction Book
1) HE-MAN
2) THROW ON BED
3) FUCK
violent gesticulation not optional
“PUBES, HOW DO THEY WORK”
– Aidan (via submarineshark)
Yesterday was awesome
Walked around Park Ave and got sushi with Clarissa and Mari. Octopus is awesomely chewy (also raspberries in sushi? Who’d have thought).
Then My First Convertible Ride and How to Train Your Dragon with Mari, Ty, and Mrs. Mari. Mrs Mari is awesome for watching movies with :)
I WANT A DRAGON, DAMN IT.
And then there was steak and shrimp cocktail for dinner. I mean, goddamn.
Eins, zwei, g'suffa!
My undergraduate career is hereby concluded.
This calls for many many shots and a rousing rendition of Bad Romance which I will ROCK.
In Geneseo steht ein Hofbrauhaus….
“If red velvet cupcakes were a person they’d be pretentious. They’d...”
– Kate
“NO PEE PEE! It’s WRONG! No, it’s right.”
– Me losing my shit while trying to negotiate APA formatting.
“Tipsy” is a new word to my English vocabulary. I just looked up the...”
– Dr. T
Me: One thing about tonight though
Me: I need to make sure Dr T leaves before I get too drunk and start groping myself
Meryl: Yourself?
Me: I like my boobs, ok
Meryl: Be proud.
“There’s a paper-writing party in my pants and you’re invited.”
– Meryl
I love Meryl
Me: will you be my date to graduation?
Meryl: I thought you'd never ask!
Me: awww
At least some of us have our priorities straight;...
Vanny: U should have come over and played rockband. But nooooo u haad to get your sexins on
Me: I do not want to live in a world where Rockband > sex
“I HOPE YOU REALIZE HOW RIDICULOUSLY ATTRACTIVE YOUR HALF BREED BABIES WILL BE”
– Aidan
I wish I knew why this sentence cracks me up so much.
(via monkeyfishbowl)
If we could not open the windows when it’s 40 degrees and raining out that would be super, thanks.